A quick review

I have to remind myself every day, I do not have a diagnosis of cancer, yet!

I am not on the path to chemo, yet!

I am not losing any important function, yet!

And I am certainly not dying young, yet!

Deep breath....  

I am still, as I have always been, healthy, strong, comfortable in my body and able to plant a tree if the need arrises. 

The difference in today and pre-January 9th, is a whole lot of tests, that have mostly been negative and a whole lot of scans that show masses. 

We have no idea how long I have been carrying around these masses, how fast they are growing or changing and what they are made of.  I am like a Russian nesting doll, with many layers. Waiting to be opened up for the first time. 

I have heard many stories about "my friend who had masses that were all benign."

And many stories about, "my friend who had masses that were cancer".

All stories are welcome, and all possibilities are still possible. 

My blood work, done yesterday, was as normal as the healthiest person alive. 

So maybe, this is just a wake-up call to alert me to the reality of my age and encourage me to live a little fuller. After all, I only just retired in 2020, and I did that involuntarily.  My father was only retired a short time, though he spoke of "the day I retire" for decades. He died young, younger than I am now, and he died of cancer. Yep, that family history is a bugger. One day he was golfing, the next day he was coughing, and within 5 months he was gone. 

Maybe I should start living a fuller life. What does that even look like? I know every one of you reading this blog are living as fully as you are able. Don't we all? I've traveled to the places I wanted to go, I accept each day as a gift, I see my kids and grandkids as often as I can, and yet, today, I find myself wondering what the next months will bring, and how can I make every day count? 

Today, I am going to get outside and trim my roses for the winter, make the "best chocolate chip cookies", see if the grandkids can come for a visit, and pack to go north to visit the other 4 grandkids.  For dinner, I'll probably join my good friend, Renae, and head out to one of our favorite spots downtown. 

Is that living fully?  I guess we each have our own definition of "living fully". Mine includes roses, chocolate, friends and family. 

I hope each of you are living your fullest life, whatever that means to you. 

Save being sad about my situation, until another day. I am still living fully. And still wearing my silk pajamas. 



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