My Journey in Silk Pajamas

 The best part about searching for a puppy is how much we are learning about dogs. I will admit that we have had many dogs, but never actually new much about them. With excess amounts of time and energy, we have begun watching The Dog Whisperer. Several concepts have surprised me.  Dogs have been bred, by humans, to do certain jobs. And if they are not allowed to express the pre-determined genetic job, they become unhappy, nervous, maybe vicious.  That explains a lot. The second thing I have learned about dogs, is how poorly most of us manage our dogs. We get excited to meet a puppy, when we need to be calm and confident. No wonder there are so many excited, bite-y, jumpy puppies, we reward the wrong behavior.  So simple.  Just watching the jumping, lunging, biting puppies on TV has forced me to reconsider my "therapy dog" idea.  As surgery is closing in on me, I have also gotten lots more serious about the reality of having my abdominal muscles cut in two....

  People who live in cold places may find snow an annoyance. But in Redlands, this is magical. We had a  rare day of snow that actually stayed on the ground for several hours.  Everyone was out taking photos, making snow balls, building mini snow men. It was about an inch of white, but for us, it felt like plenty of fun.   As I am writing, the sun is out, temperature is up about 6 degrees, snow is melting and rain has stopped. Our magical moment is over. It was a great break in our cold, rainy week.  I have had my pre-op phone call with my surgeon and we talked about my "mobile mass". She laughed and said, "let's get this stuff out of you, and find out what it is". I entertained the idea of just pushing my surgery off until the summer, when everyone around me isn't so sick. But she laughed again, and told me to hold tight until Thursday.  I loved hearing her laugh about the prospect of "getting this stuff out", she doesn't seem to have too much...

 More than one of you has told me that "waiting is the hardest part". Part of me hopes that is true, that knowing and getting good or bad news will be a relief.  For me, the sitting around, putting my life on hold, feeling normal and not normal, is hard.  I am down to one week and one day, yet it feels so endless. I am looking at puppies for sale on Craig's list,  trying to master the "British Bisquit",  constructing another layer of my Lego structure, and sending bunny ears to Lizzie.  Thinking about post-op has me pretty nervous. I keep having thoughts of backing out.  The "going into surgery" doesn't bother me, it is the "waking up".  I am carrying a pretty big load of worry, balanced with impatience.  I know that both of these mental states will do nothing to change the events or outcome, but they linger around the edges of my mind anyway.  Convincing myself that, "everything will be okay", seems just as much fantasy and gue...

 I am trying to return to some semblance of normal. A bit of gardening, a bit of walking, a bit of yoga. Taking things easy, does not come naturally to me. I'm more of the "move all of the furniture in one afternoon", sort of person. But I have been cautious because, well, you know why.  So, today, I was surprised when my abdominal mass, seemed to move. I feel like I am talking about a ghost or mystery of some kind. But the mass was located in my belly and now it is at my waist, under my left arm. Call me crazy.  There is no pain, no apparent problem, it is just in a different place.  My best rationale for it moving, is that is it a lipoma that isn't securely attached to anything and decided to take a small trip. My next, best explanation is, that things are crowded in there, and it had to find more space. And the worst, and scariest explanation, is that it is growing so fast it ran out of space, and is now occupying an extra 8 inches because it is taking over. ...

The days roll on. I'm happy to be getting out more. My pre-op lab work was taken yesterday, my last cold symptoms are hanging on. My surgery date is set for March 2.  I'm missing Wes' 5th birthday party today, always sad to miss a milestone. His theme is "Pickles", as in, dill or sweet. I can't wait to see photos of the decorations. I know Natalie has really leaned into finding all kinds of pickles. I imagine warm sweet pickle pizza, cold dill pickle ice cream and a banquet of pickles large and small, sweet and dill, in barrels and on sticks.   Personally, I can't stand pickles, but I love Wes, so I will cheer him with a sip of pickle juice.   I'm take my fluids really seriously with a 64 ounce water bottle. Seems like a really big bottle, but I'm finding 64 ounces is easy to drink, hard to carry around.  I made a mistake a few posts ago. I confused villi with cilia. Villi are tiny protrusions that increase absorption and are found in places like t...

All of my cold symptoms are gone, except a bit of sinus drip. And an occasional cough. Good thing, I start the surgery path tomorrow with pre-blood work.  Still running the humidifier all the time. The temperature outside is 65 degrees today, so I will get outside and dig in the dirt.  My most exciting news is that "Ted Lasso" Season 3 will be released on March 15th on Apple TV!!! Whoopee! Something wonderful to watch and rewatch during my recovery.  Now I understand the hidden logic underneath my delayed surgery. It was for Ted:) Gene and I are staying away from the germy, little, children we call our "grands". We miss seeing them and hope I'll be able to get up and out soon after surgery.  We miss the noise and mess. But mostly the laughs and imaginative play.  Gene and I are playing "Golf" the card game and Qwirkle in the evening, and trying not to fight about whether or not to watch the news, it is hard to see all of the tragedy, unrest and bedlam ...

I have been so frustrated with this lingering cold, that I got busy looking at the research about colds. I was a bit surprised by the recommendations coming out of John Hopkins. Monitor your home's humidity and add warm humidity if needed. Oops, haven't been doing that. Regularly use salt water flushes of throat or sinuses. Oops, haven't been doing that. And eliminate coffee, tea, wine and other dehydrating liquids. Oops! Are you serious?  So.... 24 hours ago, we went on a "mission to humidify", bought a large room warm humidifier, a Neti pot for saline rinses, and got several hygrometers. If that is a term you have never heard, neither had I. But apparently I need one or more. The hygrometer measures the air humidity and this measure tells you if your respiratory cilia can work to flush the bad stuff out. Who knew? Of course, in retrospect, it makes sense that running our heater all day, decreases indoor humidity, and turning the heat down at night, makes the hou...

 I can hardly remember what we used to do during the cold season before COVID. Now, I feel totally comfortable masking, hand washing, distancing and still living.  I had a lovely lunch with friends, had happy hour on the porch with my neighbor and all without compromising them or me.  It feels good.  I am hoping today may be my "turning point". Lots of drainage, lots of coughing, and overall feeling better. I have 5 days until the pre-op blood work, starts up again. I need 14 days free and clear of respiratory symptoms. Yikes, at the rate this cold is going, I am really hoping I make it. I am currently at day 10 of my cold, Gene is at day 15 and still has the sinus drainage and coughing.  I haven't had a lingering cold for decades, feels crazy that this is the barrier between me and surgery.  I think we have avoided common colds for so long, this one is taking advantage of our sleepy immune system.  I'm back to hot tea every hour and listening to anoth...

It is a beautiful 71 degrees, clear skies in Redlands. The hint of ,"summer is never far away", is in the air. We have doors open and are running our whole house fan to clear the area of germs, along with our virus catching air purifier. Never knew how handy these would be after COVID.  For those tracking my health, I had a good night, no coughing, I have a temp of 97.7, clear lung sounds, yellow/green sinus discharge and lots of it, and an occasional cough. I am up and dressed and going to go for a walk to get lunch at an outdoor cafe. My cold may not be improving, but my attitude is. As for the masses in my belly, they are quiet, unchanged and behaving themselves. I'm still wearing my silk Pj's and lounge wear.  I have added regular Vit C, D, Ca, and Zinc to my diet, hoping to boost my recovery.  Here is a recent photo of Melissa's family, makes me smile. I am hoping to look back at this blog in the future, when I am well past "the incident", and remem...

 My cold is getting worse, now I have chest/rib pain when coughing and my expectorant is turned from clear to yellow to greenish.  For several hours today, I was unable to stop the coughing and catch my breath.  I was really glad I didn't have a 12-inch surgical incision down my belly to contend with. Delaying was the right decision.  I know many of you are great planners and organizers like I am. For decades, my electronic or paper planners have kept me going.  But this year, as January rolled around, I decided to shift down to a very small, purse size, cute, appointment book. No space for notes, lists, or reminders, just a simple place to keep my hair and nail appointments.  I had determined that 2023 was going to be a, "not so busy", "no babies coming", "no big trips planned" sort of year. A quiet year, that began, as we closed the door on the 2022 Casita project. Then, 9 days into the New Year, my "quiet year" became pretty noisy. After a...

 The Melcher family has a bit of a reputation for making plans and then, sometimes, immediately changing the plans, they just made.  We are definitely guilty of this.  So here is the change.  I have cancelled my surgery for tomorrow!  Why? I have a cold. I have worked hard to get rid of it, but it persists. and after consulting with the experts, it is the best course of action considering what we know.  We know...Intubating and and managing a patient who is compromised (has a cold) can be a problem for the anesthetist.  It can make it hard to take the patient off of artificial support, it can create the environment for pneumonia to start and is generally not recommended for "elective surgery". But wasn't my surgery emergency?  Well, it was on January 9th, when I was in excruciating pain and we didn't know the cause, but today, I have gone a month without any discomfort and no real change in anything, except, I'm a bit afraid to move quickly. ...

I have asked that no updates be posted regarding the findings, until I am awake and informed. I hate being the last to know:)  Gene will post my surgical progress, as soon as he can.  You can always call or text Gene if you want more information.  I am so grateful that my body gave me a month to get used to the idea of surgery and to gather in all of your thoughts and prayers as I move forward.  Love you all, Carol

 So far, I am a "go'" for surgery, despite my persistent runny nose. No cough, no fever and no green gunk, so I am thinking I will stay on the surgery schedule.  I am nervous, the way one is nervous about giving birth. Not nervous enough to want to delay, and yet, nervous enough to know the process will change my life forever. And, as with birth, I just have to get through it, there is no turning back.  Melissa and Natalie are going to be taking shifts, Gene will pace, and I will sleep through the whole thing.  After surgery, I am looking forward to Kylie continuing to read "The Barrowers" aloud to me, and Coopie and I will constrict another Lego bag toward finishing the exploratorium. Liza and I can work on our "Witches and Wonder" coloring book, and Sam is a great story teller. The little ones will stay at a distance until I can manage their enthusiasm. I anticipate a quiet house, while the group gather and eat at Natalie's. It is very nice havin...

 I will be admitted at 9:30 am on Thursday. This is much earlier than expected and I am glad of that.  Your positive energy and strength will be very welcome as I go into the "magical sleep" for this first time, in my life, in the OR.   Wish me luck, and give those surgical hands the ability to be steady and accurate.  At home, my recovery room is prepared and stocked. My mental state is as steady as usual, not very steady:) Gene is counting on his daughters to guide him, and my head cold is waining.  All systems are go at this time. Thank you all for hanging in with me. My surgical results will not be confirmed for about 5 days, so there will be more waiting. 

 This feels like a journey to nowhere. In the past, I have blogged births, I have blogged trips, but never blogged waiting. Today my cold is better, less coughing, less runny nose and better sleep. I am hoping the anesthesia person will find me healthy enough to go forward with surgery. I set small goals each day for myself, and when the goals are not reached, I let it go.  My goals today are to unpack from our trip and finish trimming the roses. Those poor roses, just patiently wait.  I have been told by many that waiting for the diagnosis and plan is the worst part. Once on a path, walking through it is the easy part. I hope you are right. It is not that I am in pain or in need of anything. I am just waiting and wondering what is next. 

 We drove south yesterday, noticing how every hour took us a few degrees warmer. Starting in the rain and chilly wind and ending in the warmth. Those of us in So-Cal just love that sunshine. We are so glad to have our two little "homes" on the planet that allow us to gently move between the North and South. The reality of surgery is settling in. Today I will get my final two tests (COVID and bone density), and then we just wait. I will isolate in order to avoid getting another cold. That means lots of games and TV bingeing with Gene. Any movie or series recommendations are welcome. We enjoy mystery, foreign series, complexity, and history like "Unforgotten", "Broadchurch", "Extraordinary Attorney Woo", and "Seaside Hotel".  If you have never heard of any of these, you are probably in a different "Streaming world" than we are. Strange how we have moved from, the entire country watching the final episode of MASH, on the same nig...

 We are packing up the Casita, heading home tomorrow. There never seems to be enough time to do all of the "jobs".  Both Gene and I have managed to catch the seasonal colds from the grandkids. I am hoping to rid the sniffles  quickly, so it doesn't interfere with my surgery.  We will isolate once we get home and mask when we go out. It is a pain, but don't want any surgical delays.  I had an episode of pain yesterday. Not severe, but a reminder to avoid lifting.  The casita is very cozy. We are so glad it is finished. Melissa hosts us for dinner regularly. Such a blessing. And we took the kids out to breakfast yesterday before school. Sam had the "best walk home from school, ever", as I walked along with him, he found two bottle caps for his collection, and a $20.00 bill in the mud.  Don't know which find was more exciting.  We enjoyed a nice visit from friends.  Hope you are all well. I'm looking forward to the "other side" of this. 

 The final pre-op testing has been completed and I am a "normal healthy adult", facing exploratory surgery. How can both of those statements be true?    I have no signs of the "monster" that took over my body 3 weeks ago. I have nothing to report. I'm having my coffee, planning an active day, and wondering if having major surgery even makes sense.  What if, one thing leads to another, and in 5 months I have lost my vigor, lost my hair, lost my freedom to do what I want, all because of one bad day.  Everyone has a bad day once in awhile. My "emergency room day" was my first really bad day in my whole life. Should I really be jumping on the "fear train" because of one bad day. Probably....  They did find a whole bunch of scary stuff inside me. On the other hand, if this stuff is deadly, how do I want to spend the last 5 months of my life?  Think about it. The "knowing" is the problem.  Do I really want to know? Probably... after all, ...