February 2 All Systems Go

 The final pre-op testing has been completed and I am a "normal healthy adult", facing exploratory surgery. How can both of those statements be true?   

I have no signs of the "monster" that took over my body 3 weeks ago. I have nothing to report. I'm having my coffee, planning an active day, and wondering if having major surgery even makes sense. 

What if, one thing leads to another, and in 5 months I have lost my vigor, lost my hair, lost my freedom to do what I want, all because of one bad day. 

Everyone has a bad day once in awhile. My "emergency room day" was my first really bad day in my whole life. Should I really be jumping on the "fear train" because of one bad day. Probably.... 

They did find a whole bunch of scary stuff inside me. On the other hand, if this stuff is deadly, how do I want to spend the last 5 months of my life?  Think about it. The "knowing" is the problem.  Do I really want to know?

Probably... after all, lots of internal monsters are curable, and maybe this story has a pleasant ending. 

Maybe, I'll be glad I had that one bad day and glad it disclosed the monsters inside. 

Maybe it is just telling me to live fully, play Legos, imagine princesses and dragons and have dinner with friends. 

Maybe I have just been too healthy for too long and it is time for me take my turn on the "hospital-go-round". 

Okay, back to my coffee, in front of the fire, in silk pajamas, looking forward to a beautiful, chilly day.  

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