Consultation appointment

 I drove myself to Kaiser today, to get my pneumonia and shingles vaccines. It felt good, on my own, not afraid to walk the distance from the parking lot to the front door or stand in the long check-in line. The small independences that you loose when you are "sick", can chip away at the feeling of being whole. It feels good to have the ability to "be", and to "do". 

Though, much of my recent efforts in the therapy realm, have to do with "being" and not just "doing".  It still feels good to walk to the car, open the door, get in and push the gas petal.

For the past 2 weeks, I have lost that ability, lost the courage and lost the desire. But today, it came back, I wanted to be on my own again, if just for an hour. 

Sometimes courage comes from aggravation or frustration, today, my courage was rooted in seeking independence. Taking care of Carol.  After feeding the cat, fiddling with the coffee maker, taking a shower and assembling the 25 ingredients to make minestrone soup, I'm feeling pretty good. 

I am one phone call away from becoming sick again. But for this moment, I am just as I have always been. Almost capable. 

It is almost 1:00 pm, and my hope of hearing from the surgeons is shrinking. It's okay, maybe they have re-evaluated my results and decided I am not in any danger. I call that kind of thinking, "going to fairy land". Gene is mostly in "fairy land". He refuses to let the idea that our lives, as we have known them, are over. 

That is okay, I am having enough "reality TV" going on in my head for us of both. I'm searching for "green burial" information,  wondering if traveling to the Casita in Carmichael, much less, traveling to Europe or any other interesting place, is ever going to be on my menu. And mostly, just wondering, what is next.

I made 8 jars of minestrone soup, bottled it up for the freezer and I am having a pretty great day. 

At 1:45 pm, still no call from the surgeons. Maybe this whole thing was just my imagination. 

4:38 pm- Not my imagination.

Just heard from the office staff at the GynOncology group. Their soonest appointment is February 1, 2023. So... not such an emergency. 

Apparently, there is a post-holiday flood of surgeries and they have had to change clinic days, into surgery days. So now, I have a week to pretend to be normal. 

I feel great, I am back on normal activities of daily living, and things will only change if I have another emergency. I'll try not to let that happen. 

Going to dinner with a friend. I hope these invitations don't stop, now that I'm not as critical as I was a week ago:) 

So it is another group sigh.... Still wearing my silk pajamas, they are so comfy. 

I think it is fair to say, so-long until February 2, when I will know more about what is happening. 

Thank you for following my story. 


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